Existential Disappointment

What an odd phrase...Existential disappointment. I ran across this term in a magazine article about getting older. How does one come to grips with getting older? Do you need to be happy with your life to be content with getting older? Do you need to have accomplished something? And what about the time that has already gone by? Are there things you have missed out on?

That's primarily what I am concerned about lately. Missing out on things. For example, this is one I have thought about for many years. Did I miss out on fun as a child, or as a teenager? I was much too worried about doing the right thing, being the right kind of daughter, to have any fun at all as a teenager. I look at some of the kids I went to school with. The parties, the fun that they had. I didn't. I was a good girl. I didn't drink, or do drugs, or go to wild parties. I didn't think that was the appropriate scene for me. Yet, looking back on it now, I think I missed out on some fun. Carefree teenage fun.

As a young adult I didn't get to live on my own much. Mostly I lived with my parents, until I was 24. I had my own apartment a couple of different times for short periods of time, but always ended up back with them. It might have been nice to live on my own more. That is before I lived with my husband and moved back to the midwest to be with him. What if we hadn't lived together right away? Would I have been so anxious to start our life together? I had some young adult single girl fun, but did I miss out on more? OR would all that partying, drinking, drugging single girl night life have felt empty after awhile?

Now going back to my husband. Did we get married to soon? Or really did we start a family too soon? Did we miss out on having just "us time" without the added responsibility of children?

I guess it all boils down to the question of whether or not I will have lived or died with or without having accomplished my dreams. Were children, marriage and a home in the suburbs a part of that? Even if they weren't, aren't they good enough to have become what I should have dreamed about for my life? I look into my children's faces and think, "how could I dream of anything else?" What would my life be like without them? What if I had missed my chance to have them? Then obviously I think that I am not missing out on anything.

My Grandmother The Big Spender

My Gramma cracks me up. She has a live-in-boyfriend, travels, drives everywhere, still wears makeup, and is 82 years young. Plus she still looks great, which I feel bodes well for me in that women on my mother's side of the family just age very well.

I just got off the phone with my Gramma and since we are moving to a new house soon she was asking me about it. She also told me that the first house that she and my Granddad bought in 1950 cost them a whopping 500 bucks. It was one of those Sears-Roebuck little starter homes. I can't even believe that their first house only cost 500 bucks. It doesn't even compute in my head considering it cost us almost $500 just to get the paperwork started on our new home.

My Grandparents next home is the one I remember. They lived there for 32 years. By the time they moved there in around 1962 they already had 6 kids. And that was an average amount for back then. I can't even imagine having 6 kids. I have 2 and I am stressed beyond belief. Were things easier back then?

*Beauty Tip* My Gramma always wears bright lipstick. It looks great on her. So my tip for you today is to try a bright lipcolor even if you normally prefer a softer shade. Here are a few beautiful bold lipstick choices.
Avon-My Lip Miracle ($6)in Remarkaberry(my Gramma's current favorite)
Prescriptives-Colorscope ($17.50) lipcolor in Titan
Revlon-Super Lustrous Lipstick($10) in Scarlet Velvet

30 Is Not The New Anything

One of my oldest friends turns 30 today. I can't even believe it. It seems like just yesterday we were desparate to be 16 so that we could drive a car. Or desparate to be 21 so that we could legally drink, because we didn't in high school. We were really good girls. Our parents we so lucky.

I turn 30 in a couple of months. I should be looking forward to it, but I'm not. I know they say that 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, and 50 is the new 40, and blah blah blah. But I just don't buy it. 30 seems old to me. I still think that my Mother is in her thirties, but she's not. She's 50. At least she looks good.

Plus it's not like I will be turning 30 without having accomplished anything. I don't live in my parents basement. I don't stay out all weekend long with my girlfriends doing jello shots hoping to meet some nice guy. I married a great guy, and I have two beautiful daughters. My writing career is going along nicely. We live in a lovely safe neightboorhood. Things are good. I am where I should be at 30, I think.

It still feels so final though. It's 30. It feels like the second half of my life is starting. Well hopefully I will live longer then 60. I will admit it though that anything before 30 seems young. While anything after seems old. I know anyone over 30 is going to be a little put off by that statement. But it's the truth as I see it. I see myself as old at 30.

I will just put it out there that someone, aka my husband, better get me a really nice present. Diamonds, rubies, saphires, whatever. Bring it on. I need it!

*Beauty Tip* If you are over 30 and you aren't using an SPF in your daily moisterizer, the good news is that it's never too late to start. Try to have an SPF 15 or better yet an SPF 30 for everyday use. You will be amazed at how much sun damage can age your skin. Prevention is key.

House Buying Hell

We are buying a new home. I promised we wouldn't do this, but we went ahead and did it anyway. We bought BEFORE we sold. Yep, that's right. We haven't sold our current house yet. Plus it's been on the market for awhile and I am not sure it will sell anytime soon. Even though we dropped the price way way way down to like five dollars. Our past two Open Houses have gone pretty well, but still no offers. Why oh why? I am not a religious person in the least, but I did venture out to the gigantic religious monument store 25 mintues away from my house just to buy one of those St. Joseph statues. I guess you are supposed to plant it in your yard and the patron saint of home buying will sell your home. Either that or the eight dollars I spent on the statue will grow into a money tree and save us from bankrupcy. How's that for wishful thinking?

*Beauty Tip* Since I am in such a dark mood about this whole home buying/selling situation, the latest trend in nailcolor is perfect for me. The color is black and it's hot with all the celebrities right now. OPI's($7) Black Onyx and Chanel's($18) Black Satin are equally bold goth colors to choose from.

He's No Handy Manny

My husband is sweet, thoughtful, caring, and sensitive. The ultimate listener and my best friend. Blah blah blah. But the one thing he is not is handy. IF you have a handy husband consider yourself lucky. When I say "handy," I don't mean that he can change lightbulbs or easy household chores like that. I mean bigger stuff. Building stuff, fixing stuff, painting stuff. If your water heater breaks on a Saturday night, he can go down to the basement with some tools and fix it. Being handy means more then just being able to unclog the toilet.

I tease my husband about his non-handiness. He's more of an artist/music type. Playing five different instruments comes easy to him, while caulking the bathroom tub, does not. I tell him all the time that really it's ok. That's why there is a handy man section in the yellow pages.

Although I was a little tad bit jealous the other night when we were over a friend's house and her husband just remodeled their whole kitchen by himself. Cabinets, countertops and all. Wow. He said his brother helped him hang the cabinets. I tried to picture my husband and his brother(who is also NOT handy) hanging cabinets, and I actually laughed out loud.

The key to getting my husband to even attempt to do minor things around the house is this...it's pretty tricky, but this is what I do. I attempt to do it myself. This gets him everytime. For example I wanted our wooden porch steps painted this past weekend. So I get out the paint and the brush getting ready to do it myself and of course my husband steps in to take over! Thanks honey! So who's really handy in this scenario? Heh-heh, I think it's me!

*Beauty Tip* Wintertime is coming and it's time to start protecting your hands. I try to put out hand cream in a pump by each of the sinks in my house. This is especially helpful in the kitchen after I get done doing the dishes. That way I never forget to rub a little hand cream on to prevent dry red itchy skin in the winter.
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Patrick Dempsey-You Made Me Love You.

I didn't want to do it. I really really didn't want to I swear. I had been avoiding it for two years now and been completely happy with my choice. Until last night that is. I had to do it. The preview were just too compelling not to. People keep telling me to do it all the time, even my own mother. So I did....I watched Grey's Anatomy for the first time.

Not only did I watch the premier of season three, I also watched the wrap up of season two before that. I mean if I am going to get on the bandwagon of the show I might as well be caught up completely right.

Let me tell you something. Two hours of Patrick Dempsey was NOT a bad thing. He is ridiculous handsome.

So overall I enjoyed the show. It was pretty sad though when that blond girl's fiancee died, and she's laying in the hospital bed with him.....boooooohoooohhooooo. I sobbed like I had watched the show for the past two years and actually cared about these characters! Kind of silly yes, but honestly I think I am hooked and will probably tune in next week.

The only reason I didn't watch it in the first place two years ago was for a couple of reasons. Number one the commercials advertising the show were so totally cheesy and silly, my husband and I would imitate them and just laugh. And the other reason is that since Grey's Anatomy is a hospital drama, I felt like I was being disloyal to good ol' "ER" on NBC. I have watched "ER" since the beginning, but stopped watching when I was pregnant with my girls and couldn't stand the gory bloody nature of some of the scenes. Which incidentally I caught the premier last night of "ER" and that was sooooo sad too!

Maybe I need to check out some of the comedies coming out this fall tv season. Unless none of them have anybody who looks like Patrick Dempsey, which they probably don't. I mean how about "Ugly Betty" anyone? I don't think so!

*Beauty Tip* If you don't have naturally wavy thick glorious hair like Patrick Dempsey there are some great volumizing products out there to try. My favorite right now is the "Create Root Volume Brushable Lifting Spray" by Jonathan Product. You remember good ol' Jonathan Antin from "BlowOut" on Bravo, right? Hair Stylist to the stars! His line is avalible at Sephora.com

My New Motto

I had a moment of enlightenment this morning. So here it is. My new motto....Be Cool.

That's it, just Be Cool.
I am going to try to remember my new motto when things are kind of chaotic as they often are when you are raising two small children. Here are a few things to test out my new motto. I am going to Be Cool when...

*my youngest woke up like a million times a night(4 really) because she the teething monster is haunting her again. Be Cool.

*my oldest asking me for yet another snack when it's only 9 in the morning and she has just had breakfast. Be Cool.

*buying a house we can't afford before we sell our current house. Be Cool. Be Cool. I have to think it twice on this one because this is really freaking me out.

*water heater breaking. No hot water, dishes in the sink, dirty laundry everywhere, kids need hot baths, I need a hot shower. No to all of the above, damn you hot water heater. Be Cool.

*all three of us are still in our pj's at 12:27 in the afternoon. Be Cool.

*dead tree in our backyard that needs to be cut down on orders from the city. It's only $1000 job. Be Cool.

*my oldest daugher again asking for a snack only 10 minutes after eating lunch. Be Cool.I am on the case now folks, it's going to be smooth sailing from now on if I keep my new motto in mind, right? Oh and here's one more that just happened. My youngest just spilled her big sister's, non-washable paints onto the carpeted floor. The same floor that we are desparately trying to sell! BE COOL!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Beauty Tip* In an effort to keep things cool I am going to tell you about my biggest pet peeve when it comes to lipstick. I do not like lipstick that is flavored with cool mint. Big Yuck. Not cool.